Is this a job or an abusive relationship?


I want to keep you, but I won’t fight for you.

Have you ever felt like your supervisors talk the talk but won’t walk the walk? 

When things are crazy and stuff is about the hit the fan and you swing in and save the day, your supervisors all sing your praises like…

“I don’t know what we would do without you!”

“This whole office would definitely fall apart without you keeping it together.”

“Can you never take a vacation because i don’t know what to do or where anything is in this office.”

“Please never leave us, we’ll do anything!”

When you hear the comments like above you tend to feel elated and overjoyed that someone is finally noticing your worth. It just makes your whole day go better when at least one supervisor or even a coworker acknowledges your superb “one assistant, many hats” skills. I don’t know about you, but I feel on top of the world when I even get a “thank you” or a “that was a good catch” comment.

It would be nice if supervisors and coworkers acknowledged each other and would show appreciation at least once in a while but this is the real world and it doesn’t happen. I know I do not expect a pat on the back every time I do a good thing or help the company but it is nice once in a while isn’t it?

The positive nods are great but it does get confusing to me when you ask for a deserved raise, title boost, or promotion and suddenly any support you may have received in the past is nowhere to be found. Some may think, “Hey, just be lucky that you ever got any ‘thank yous’ because I never get any.” That is true and I am thankful for what I do get but I get so twisted up emotionally when sometimes your supervisors can be really great and give you that pat on the back and other times they can be cold and sometimes detrimental to your rise up the career ladder.

I feel sometimes tugged in different directions. Sometimes the position is great! You have a great conversation with a coworker or your supervisor acknowledged that you really helped him or her out of a tight spot. Then there are the times that you need our peers to go to bat for you and they are nowhere to be found or they go against you because they don’t want to lose you if you get promoted.

One day you are praised, “I can’t go without you!” and the next day you hear that same supervisor tell HR that “you know, it has been slower lately, she doesn’t really need that raise.”

Or you have a supervisor that is willing to go to bat for you to get that promotion or small raise but they really aren’t because they tell you they will help out and then refuse to speak with HR after you have asked for months.

I’m sure some of the assistants out there can relate to one or more of these situations.

It’s hurtful and confusing since your emotions are thrown all over…. oh they are going to help me because they said they cannot go without me earlier …. no they won’t speak with HR but they said they will …. weeks and months go by and they say they don’t want to pressure HR about it.

It really does feel like an abusive relationship sometimes doesn’t it?

The push and pull. “I like you so much; you are so helpful! ” to “honestly, she doesn’t do THAT much to deserve a raise.”

How do you deal with the emotional turmoil?

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