I care too much.
I care too much about what people think of me.
I care too much about how fair things are.
I care too much about how I am seen and how I perform at my job.
I think all this caring doesn’t lead to a better me but to a sadder, more depressed me–to a continually dissatisfied me. What do you think?
I care very much for how I perform at work. I want to do the best I can and it doesn’t matter what my position is or what my job duties are. However, I think my caring for how fair things are or aren’t is destroying my caring for how I perform at my job. Let me tell you, it makes things tough.
Life is not fair and sometimes bad things happen to good people and sometimes good things happen to bad people; that is how it goes. Knowing this doesn’t make it easier to deal with. I find myself competing with my emotions on a daily basis at work because I want to do a good job but I also don’t want to be forced to do more and more work just because someone else doesn’t want to do it.
I want to stomp up and down that it isn’t fair that so-and-so doesn’t have to do XYZ anymore and I do or that I’ve been given several new responsibilities and continue to get more when others in my same position get their tasks taken away.
I want to complain and yell that it’s not right. Due to my immense caring about how I do my job, I get saddled with extra work without even a thank you and the supervisors know that I would never just give up and quit so they keep pushing more on my plate.
I want to cry that the few times I stand up for myself in telling the supervisors that I have a lot on my desk already are the few times I’m told to ‘deal with it’ and that ‘[I’m not allowed to question more work and to] just do it.’
Sometimes I feel that if I weren’t so caring that I would be better off. If I didn’t care so much and take so much personal pride from how well I am at my job, then it wouldn’t hurt so badly that I’m pushed to the limit with work and given no thanks or raise in pay.
If I didn’t care what others thought of me, then maybe I could be firm and tell it like it is. For example: “It is not right that so-and-so gets their duties taken away and given to me just because they refuse to learn the task.”
But alas, I cannot stop caring. I cannot just stop wanting to do a good job and wanting to be recognized for how much I give to the workplace; therefore, I seem to always be dissatisfied with my job.
Sometimes, caring sucks.